I can't believe that our friendship is weaking. i don't know if you care or not but i really do. not just the fact that i like you but also that we are best friends. right ? at least that's what i think and i hope that we still are .... you have just always been there and now you're gone. hahaaa !! i've lost you many times honestly, and losing you again might not make any difference. i told myself to move on but ..... i think it's really hard when we are in the same school, same classes, and in the same area every single day. i really want to take a fresh hair !
omg ! i finally watched Burlesque !! it's a great movie !! i can't believe how good Christina is !! i bet she had a lot of hard time while recording that movie. ^^ good for her though in the end, everything's worth it ^^ i will also have to thanks David Chuek, my high school best friend, that he let me borrowed his laptop to watch it. he was sleeping behind me or something. i don't remember. XPPP
i have been talking to my closest friends and there was a part were we talked about our future. my future will be easy, go to SJSF for the first 2 years, then hopefully and successfully transfer to University of Washington and then live in Washington. ^^ my major will be nursing and hopefully get a good job with it too. then when i get a job and as soon as i settle down with the money and maybe a house or an apartment, i will adopt a baby boy and/or baby girl. I can imagine how beautiful they will be. i will promise and swear that i will be the best mom on earth ! hahaaa ! After they are a few years older, i will get them a dog. I can imagine the dog already. the dog that is in the movie called Hachi. i think that dog is gorgous. he is just so pretty. i can imagine my own little happy family.
now, you might be curious why there is not a husband or a boyfriend. the reason why is that i don't know what kind of person would be with me permanent in this life time. i have no idea who on earth would like me. i really can't imagine. and i don't think that i have the energy to do that. what happens if my perfect dream is ruined ? i think i will just be really depressed then and hate my life. i think living with kids would be just fine. if i really don't get a husband or a boyfriend, i think i can live up with that.
to me now, no matter how beautiful love is, it seems that it is avoiding or i'm avoiding it as far away as possible. i'm really afraid of touching that kind of love right now. it can be real sweet sometimes but it can be hella spicy as well. why risk that ?
like i said before, my hearts are broken into tiny pieces already. it will definitely take a long time to put them back together. and hopefully my new happy family can help with that part. ^^
a new life to look forward to. that's probably why i'm working my ass off with the load of homeworks i have.
P.S. to the future me : if you think you are in a depression, get off it as soon as possible !! spend more time with something that is worth doing !
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